


Let's get together and be green like my insides

by suneev



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, M/M, Metaphors, Mutual Pining, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Synesthesia, idk if its actually synesthesia but changbin sees people as colors, light angst if you squint really hard, this is very soft and very cheesy actually, wooyoung and san from ateez are there for a tiny second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 17:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20295313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suneev/pseuds/suneev
Summary: Being with Felix made him feel like he was going into a free fall and he didn’t know how to get out. As comforting as Felix’s presence was at that moment, he knew that if he kept digging deeper, there was no way back.OrChangbin sees people as colors and Felix just happens to be his favorite one.





	Let's get together and be green like my insides

**Author's Note:**

> id honestly never thought id write changlix, but look at me now.  
supposedly, i was going to post this last sunday, on my friend kathy's birthday, but i didn't like the story i had written so i decided to write it all over again. it's so much different from the original idea, but i actually really liked this better.  
also, idk if i can call changbin's color thing synesthesia so,, yeah aksjd but it is totally based off my own experience of seeing people as colors.  
the title is from stupid for you by waterparks. this might have a few mistakes cause i edited it on my own and i'm dumb  
also, to kathy, happy late birthday baby! you know i love you very much and while this isn't much, i hope you like it. you deserve all the pretty colored clouds in the sky.

The sky was covered with gray clouds above the grass where Changbin was sitting, trying to sort out his thoughts. He knew he was not as fast as Jisung when it came to coming up with words for songs, but he sure didn’t take more than a week to come up with a simple verse. His blank notebook page and melody that he couldn’t help but think it was missing something made him feel helpless. Truly a gray day.

The feeling of someone tapping his shoulder almost made him groan, annoyed, until he looked up and saw it.

Yellow. The most beautiful yellow he had ever seen.

The boy was too bright for such a day, Changbin thought he was going blind for a second. He was wearing a white hoodie, his hair was somewhere between pink and orange and the freckles. Oh, the freckles. They were barely dark enough to be noticeable, but if you looked for long enough, you would see them dusting the boy’s cheeks.

Changbin had never seen such an ethereal person or such a beautiful color.

“Uh… did you listen to anything I just said?”

Well, that voice was unexpected. It was deep, deeper than you would imagine considering the boy’s soft features and colorful hair.

Changbin shook his hand. “Sorry, did you need something?”, the moment he heard the boy giggle, he was completely gone.

“Yeah, ah, I’m Felix”, he kneeled down so his head was on the same level as Changbin. Not staring was an extremely difficult task. “I’m Jisung’s roommate. He told me to give you these if I saw you”, Felix held his hand up so Changbin could see. His headphones, of course.

He took them from Felix’s hand and smiled at him. “Thanks. I’m Changbin.”

“I know”, the slight pink in Felix’s cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by Changbin. “I mean…”, Changbin realized that the boy had an accent, it wasn’t too strong, but it was definitely there and for some reason, Changbin found it kind of endearing. “I’ve seen you with Jisung a couple of times.”

Changbin blinked.

“Well, I have to go now”, Felix smiled softly at Changbin. Too bright. “See you later, Binnie!”

And so, Felix stood up from the grass and left Changbin on his own before he could say anything else. Suddenly the day wasn’t so gray, a ray of sunshine sneaked through the clouds and hit Changbin’s face.

☼

“Felix told me you gay panicked when you saw him”, Changbin threw a pillow from his bed to Jisung’s face. “Rude!”, he laughed loudly and hugged the white pillow, laying on the floor with it.

He felt at ease like this, just him and Jisung sitting in his dorm room, each minding their own business but still enjoying the other’s presence. Usually, they didn’t talk much unless Jisung felt like it and that was nice, to be able to just do nothing with someone and still feel comfortable. No matter how much he likes to deny it and claim that Jisung annoys him, he doesn’t know what he would do without his best friend. At the end of the day, they were two different shades of the same color; they fitted together without trouble.

“Okay, okay”, Jisung raised his hands in defeat when Changbin threw him an annoyed look. “He didn’t actually say you gay panicked, he just said you were kind of awkward and didn’t really talk much, but that’s weird, since you’re a Leo and God knows how annoying you are and how much you love talking about yourselves.”

“He’s yellow, Sung.”

“Oh”, Jisung nodded slowly, understanding. “It’s the first time you yellow since…?”

It was, but Changbin didn’t want to think about it.

“He’s not the same as Wooyoung, though”, Changbin whispered and Jisung gave him a questioning look. “Felix is… I guess he’s just softer”, he shrugged. “They’re both bright, I mean, it’s yellow, of course they’re bright. Wooyoung was just a more intense shade; louder, I suppose.”

“Is yellow still—?”

“My favorite color?”, he looked down frowning. “I thought maybe not anymore, it’s been a while, but after this I—“, he took a deep breath. “It’s just such a beautiful color”.

Jisung’s blue shirt was the color of a clear sky in spring and Jisung understood him, what colors meant to him, what people meant to him. He loved blue because it was his best friend and it was himself. He had never felt so comfortable with someone like he was with Jisung.

And because Jisung understood, he knew what to say. “Too bad you’re not into blue. We would be a great couple.”

Changbin snorted. Truly two shades of the same color.

☼

The light pink in Minho’s cheeks was soft just like him. Changbin wasn’t sure if it was the reflection of the late afternoon sky or the difficult choreography he had just practiced, but he thought it matched Minho in the prettiest way possible.

“What do you think?”, Minho’s sweet voice asked when the music stopped.

“I think you don’t need my opinion because you’re the most talented dancer I know”, Changbin replied shrugging.

Minho’s bright laugh resounded in the studio. Such a lovely color, truly. “Yeah, but I still could use your harsh criticism”, he looked over the mirror wall to throw a smirk at Changbin.

“That was one and we both know Jisung is just dramatic”, he deadpanned. “Besides that song was kind of bad compared to his usual work.”

“He was heartbroken! Of course he wasn’t in the right mindset to write a lyrical masterpiece”, Minho sat down next to Changbin and put his hand extended on Changbin’s lap.

“You give yourself too much credit”, Changbin put his hand above Minho’s and held it easily. “Why did you even reject him? It’s kind of obvious you’re completely whipped for him.”

Minho shrugged and stood up dragging Changbin with him. He took his backpack from the floor and opened the door so they could go back to their dorm.

Oh.

Changbin had figured that if he avoided going to Jisung’s room forever he would never have to see yellow again. He had figured that if he never got to meet Felix, he would never have to deal with the skip of his heart when he saw his favorite color.

But, as usual, Changbin wasn’t lucky and Felix was there, in front of him and Minho, staring at their joined hands.

“Hey, Lixie!”, Minho talked animatedly. “You are going to use the studio?”

Felix looked at Changbin dumbfounded for a couple of seconds and then looked back at Minho.

“Ah, no”, he shook his head and tried to smile at Minho. The yellow was dim. “Actually, I wanted to know if you were free. You know that diner a couple of blocks away?”

“Reverie?”, Felix nodded. “Sure, let’s go. Changbin can join us, right?”

And Felix’s attention was on Changbin again. He smiled at him and shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

☼

The way to the diner on Minho’s car was quiet, but Felix’s loud laugh whenever Minho made a dumb joke and Minho’s obnoxious impressions of their teachers compensated the previous silence.

Turns out, Changbin found, that Felix was a dance major student just like Minho and they had shared a class the year before, when Felix was a freshman, and became friends quickly when Minho had asked the youngest to be his partner for their final project.

Just his luck, really, that the one person he didn’t want to get to know was good friends with both of Changbin’s best friends.

He couldn’t complain about the situation, though, because he was actually enjoying himself; the bad fries from the diner tasted than ever and his usual strawberry milkshake was the sweetest it had ever been. The clouds shining in the sky were a pretty peach color, blending the pink and orange hues of the sunset together and making Changbin feel warm and safe.

Just like the sky, Minho and Felix blended beautifully. They clearly knew each other well, Changbin noticed as Minho cleaned Felix’s cheek that had a vanilla ice cream stain; he noticed as Felix leaned towards Minho’s hand and Minho fed him a bite of his pancakes. The colors around them were soft but warm, Changbin couldn’t help but smile, looking back at the window, appreciating the sky.

_Ding_.

Minho unlocked his phone and smiled at it like nothing else mattered as he read a text.

“Sorry, I have to go”, he took his things that were sitting next to him. “I’m hanging out with Jisung.”

“Dude, you’re literally with Jisung all the time”, Felix pointed at Minho accusingly, Minho just smiled brightly and shrugged, leaving some money on the table.

“It’s on me, I’ll see you later.”

As Minho left the diner, Felix turned to stare at Changbin, thinking. “They’re going to be at Jisung and I’s room, do you have anywhere you wanna go?”

Changbin saw in Felix’s eyes how it was more him asking to be away from Minho and Jisung and less about him wanting to hang out with Changbin. He could relate, so he decided that it wouldn’t hurt to spend some time with Felix if it meant he wasn’t alone when it came to trying to avoid Minho and Jisung’s shenanigans.

☼

The colors of the games in the playground looked like they had faded since the last time Changbin was there with Jisung, back in high school, but the place still made him feel like home. The pink skies from earlier were slowly fading to a greyish blue and his heart skipped a beat as he saw how Felix eyed curiously a place that he held in such a special spot in his heart.

He led Felix to the swings and sat down next to him on one. Felix finally stopped looking around and he stared at Changbin for a change, raising an eyebrow at him, as if he was asking why had Changbin decided to take him there.

“This is actually where I met Jisung”, he explained as he started to swing his legs back and forth, careful of not going too fast. Felix followed his movements. “I was ten and didn’t have many friends, apparently other kids were intimidated by me”, Felix laughed loudly.

He smiled at Changbin when he threw him a confused look. “I was, too”, he shrugged. “Not because you are actually scary or anything, just because you look so cool with that dark aura you have going and your songs are pretty awesome”, Changbin immediately stopped his swing and frowned at Felix.

“You’ve listened to my tracks?”, Felix simply nodded without stopping his swing.

“Jisung has shown me a couple. You are really good”, right, Jisung. Changbin continued to swing his legs. “But when I mentioned that I thought you were cool, Jisung just laughed at me and said you’re just a big softie and kind of a dork.”

Felix’s smile was bright while he explained as the wind hit his face because of the swing. His beige hoodie and peach hair that went in every direction made Changbin feel at ease and he found it so easy to open up to him.

“I had run to this playground after an argument with my parents and Jisung found me crying”, he knew that anyone who saw the probably fond look on his face then would know how much his best friend meant to him. “He didn’t even ask what was wrong, all he did was offer me a lollipop he had already put in his mouth and sat down next to me to talk about a kitten he had found here before and that he wanted to pet again.”

Felix looked at him wide-eyed, almost comically. “Did you actually accept the lollipop?”

“I was sad and a lollipop sounded pretty great at the moment”, Changbin shrugged and Felix snorted. “After that, I noticed Jisung went to the same school as me and decided that maybe I didn’t have to be alone all the time.”

Felix nodded slowly. “I’m Australian. Jisung was also my first friend here.”

And so, Changbin listened as Felix narrated his struggles with communicating when he first arrived in Korea and how, with broken English and a lot of misunderstandings, Jisung helped Felix feel like he wasn’t alone in his new home. He talked about awkward crushes, video games, his passion for dancing and his family back in Australia and in exchange, Changbin told him about the little things in his life that really mattered to him.

Listening to Felix’s deep voice telling stories about his childhood made Changbin realize that maybe getting to know yellow again, wasn’t as bad as he thought.

☼

“Minho told me you asked him for Felix’s number”, Changbin groaned and decided he was never going to trust Minho again. He didn’t even bother looking back at Jisung. “Honestly, when I noticed Felix texting all the time looking disgustingly lovesick for whoever he was talking with, I should’ve guessed it was you”, now not looking at Jisung was hard, he could feel his cheeks grow hot. “Especially after Felix arriving late because you decided to go out on a little date.”

Changbin finally looked away from his phone, his cheeks probably pink considering how warm they felt. Jisung’s annoying I know it all smile was bright with the afternoon sun hitting his face from the window of Changbin’s room.

“It wasn’t a date, Minho left us alone to hang out with you and Felix clearly didn’t want to see how gross you two are together”, he argued and looked back at his phone.

** _dandelion, 3:16 pm._ **

_i just saw the cutest kitty ever ur not gonna believe it!!_

Changbin smiled as he saw the picture an orange cat with black paws and ears sitting on the grass, looking at the camera with its head tilted as if it didn’t understand what Felix was doing.

“See? That’s what I mean!”, Changbin raised an eyebrow. “You look absolutely whipped!”, Jisung pointed at Changbin with his blue pen accusingly.

The older just rolled his eyes and put his phone down. “Like you are any better with Minho”, he went back to his notebook, wondering where to start to study for his upcoming exam.

Jisung’s smile fell for a second but he recovered quickly. Changbin wondered how things were going between him and Minho, but he didn’t get to ask before Jisung’s face formed into a smirk.

“So you admit you are whipped for Felix, huh?”, of course Jisung wasn’t going to drop the topic so easily.

If he was fully honest, he was not sure of how he felt about Felix.

They had been talking for almost a month but with midterms season in the middle of them trying to get to know each other, they weren’t able to hang out all that much. They sometimes crossed paths on campus between classes and talked for a bit before one of them had to leave and Changbin hadn’t had enough time to think about what the fast beating of his heart whenever he saw Felix looking soft in a hoodie, covering his world in yellow, meant.

He knew it meant something, though. He was aware that he found Felix beautiful in every sense possible, he understood that he wanted to talk to him every day and he couldn’t deny that the way he was feeling was pretty close to the few crushes he had had before, but it was all going way faster than it had before and that was scary. Not having control over his feelings was scary.

“I barely know him, Jisung.”

He decided to concentrate on his schoolwork for the rest of the midterms season; he didn’t have to deal with this yet.

☼

The diner was buzzing and Changbin wished he had said no to Felix when he had asked him if he wanted to meet there to grab breakfast.

“He really won’t stop whining about how he wants to see you now that midterms are over. Just say yes so I can catch a break”, Minho had thrown a white cat plushie at Changbin from his bed and stood up to go out of the room for a date with some guy from the dance department.

Not dealing with his feelings was difficult when Felix was texting him all the time and he couldn’t avoid going to his Jisung’s room without his best friend questioning him every time he tried to come up with an excuse to meet up somewhere else instead. Somehow he managed to see Felix as little as possible and cut their conversations short.

It made him feel guilty, though, even more after Minho’s words, so he agreed to go to the diner with Felix.

When Felix entered the place, Changbin was left breathless.

His hair was now blonde and as he walked closer, with the shiest smile that Changbin had seen on him, Changbin noticed how his freckles were a little darker than usual, probably because of how sunny the past days had been, and his cheeks had a soft peach blush. But that wasn’t the worst, neither was the shimmery pink eyeshadow or the faded gloss adorning his lips.

The worst was the goddamn yellow hoodie.

“Hey, Binnie”, Felix sat in front of him and with the morning sun coming through the window next to their booth making him glow and the corny old songs filling the diner, Changbin never felt longing the way he did at that moment.

He took a deep breath. Counted to three.

“How are you, Lix?”, he tried to smile, tried his best not to show how panicked he was. Felix seemed to notice since he just smiled, looking a little relieved.

“I’m okay, glad you showed up”, he let out a bashful laugh. “I was pretty sure you were avoiding me.”

Changbin grimaced. Of course Felix had noticed.

Before he could say an idiotic excuse to get Felix to think that he wasn’t avoiding him, a waitress smiled politely at them and asked for their order.

☼

Changbin saw how Felix reapplied lip gloss after they had gotten out of the diner and he had to look away quickly as he felt his cheeks grow warmer than it was probably normal, especially with how windy and chilly it was that day.

He tried distracting himself on something else, like the way the flowers swayed because of the wind or how the sunlight was making the whole scenery look bright; but the flowers were yellow and so was the slight warmth of the sun, and Felix was yellow. Everything came back to Felix, making him ethereal.

Felix typed on his phone quickly and smiled satisfied before locking his phone and putting it in the pocket of his hoodie. “Do you maybe wanna come over and watch something at my dorm?”, he asked, a little hesitant but his tone was eager.

Changbin wished he could’ve said no, he really did, but saying no to Felix’s nervous smile, to his fiddling hands covered in sweater paws because his hoodie was a little too big, to his pink cheeks, was basically impossible. Changbin had always liked yellow, he was weak for it for a very long time and he found himself falling again for the trap, falling for how happy he was around yellow and following it everywhere.

Just like that, Changbin followed Felix to his dorm room, despite his better judgment.

He had already been there multiple times, with Jisung, but being around Jisung made him feel safe. Jisung was part of his comfort zone. The light blue that his best friend carried around everywhere he went blended easily with Changbin’s own shade.

Being with Felix made him feel like he was going into a free fall and he didn’t know how to get out. As comforting as Felix’s presence was at that moment, he knew that if he kept digging deeper, there was no way back.

They laid comfortably on Felix’s bed and he let himself enjoy the moment, despite knowing the risks. He allowed himself, just for a little while, to indulge the warm feeling in his chest, the fluttering of his heart, while Felix pressed play on his computer and impulsively took Changbin’s hands on the scenes of the movie that made him tense.

As he saw Felix talk about the details in the film that not everyone noticed, as he saw him grow sleepy and close his eyes for a couple of seconds, as he counted the freckles on his cheeks while Felix’s breathing got slow and calm, as Changbin himself let his eyes fall asleep; as everything came into place, Changbin finally gave himself permission to feel without any fears, to be vulnerable in front of his favorite color. Only this one time.

☼

“I can’t believe you told Minho you have a crush on Felix before you told me!”, Jisung hit Changbin’s chest as soon as he saw him. Changbin cringed at his friend’s loud voice and looked around, hoping that none of the people in the library would reprimand them.

“I thought you and Minho weren’t talking”, Changbin let his highlighter travel smoothly through the main concept of his assignment.

Jisung dropped his backpack on the floor and his body on the brown old chair in front of Changbin, visibly deflecting. “I don’t even know what’s going on with him. He’s been going out on dates, which, sure, kind of hurts and all, but the way he’s been avoiding me as if I had done something wrong is the absolute worst and all I want to do is punch him in the face and then maybe cry and kiss him because I truly am in love with the idiot.”

Changbin was upset at Minho, too. He knew Jisung’s feelings were reciprocated and just wanted to understand why on earth Minho was acting like they weren’t, but he wasn’t going to get himself in the mess that was Jisung’s and Minho’s weird pining, so he kept quiet and acted like nothing was happening. Unless any of them wanted to talk about it, he was not about to make his life more of a mess.

He nodded, allowing Jisung to continue.

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll figure out how to fix it later”, he sounded determined, like with everything he did. “Anyways, he decided that in this special occasion, I’m worthy of him speaking to me and asked if I knew how Felix felt about you because you finally admitted you have a crush on him”, Jisung put his hand on Changbin’s book, impeding him to work and forcing him to look back at the younger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

It was true that logically Jisung would be the first person Changbin would normally go to talk about his feelings, but when he told Minho it was more about how he felt like he was about to explode and Minho was the only person available instead of because he truly wanted to tell Minho.

After continuing to hang out with Felix for around a month or two, he decided that it was impossible to keep on denying his feelings and some damned Wednesday morning, when Felix had sent him a selfie of him wearing a pink hoodie, holding a small puppy that, Felix explained, belonged to one of his classmates, Changbin decided that it was all too much and he messily blurted out everything to a sleepy Minho.

He explained just as much and Jisung nodded and took his hand away from Changbin’s book. “I think it’s nice that you’re opening up to this whole thing again, you know?”, he looked down, his voice soft. “I’m proud of you”, Changbin felt safe.

“It’s nice, I guess”, he shrugged it off. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ll confess or anything, but the feeling isn’t all that terrible so I’m not about to complain.”

Jisung raised his eyebrows. “Look, if you don’t want him to know, I respect that, but I think you wouldn’t lose anything by confessing”, he drew a small cat on the corner of Changbin’s book as he talked. “I cannot promise you he likes you back, because regardless of how loud he can be, Felix tends to keep his feelings to himself, but…”, he looked at Changbin with a heartwarming smile. “I’ve never seen him so interested in anyone or eager to spend time with a person like with you, so, I think it’s safe to say you might have a pretty big chance.”

Changbin trusted Jisung’s words, he knew his best friend was honest, but the fear of hurting again was big.

☼

He kept hanging out with Felix regularly. They became close and Changbin was okay with their relationship; if sometimes he had to look away to resist the urge to kiss Felix, the younger didn’t have to know.

His life was pretty fine right now, he should’ve guessed the whole “calm before the storm” people talked about was real.

He was standing in the convenience store, in front of a fridge, looking for Felix’s favorite peach juice and his own choice of grape juice. He was about to ask Felix if he wanted anything else after being unsuccessful in finding his preferred flavor, when a sudden yellow hit him in the form of Jung Wooyoung, smiling at him with a small doubt on his face.

“Hey, Binnie”, Changbin felt his heart shatter slightly at Wooyoung’s delicate voice, he couldn’t breathe. “I’m back!”, he tried, still hesitant. “I actually came back a couple of months ago and I tried texting you but you never answered, so…”

A boy, not much taller than Wooyoung and Changbin, walked towards them with a cheerful smile and intertwined his hand with Wooyoung. The boy was green and Changbin liked green but at that moment it made him feel nauseous.

“Hey, I’m San—”, the boy started before another voice came from behind Changbin.

“Binnie?”, he felt his hands shaking, and Felix probably noticed, too, but when the younger boy reached out for him, all Changbin did was harshly pull away from him. He couldn’t regret it before he saw hurt flash through Felix’s eyes.

Felix and Wooyoung we’re both the same color and Changbin loved yellow, but as they were in the same place, the color surrounding him, he saw the yellow sky people saw in the eye of a hurricane and he was terrified.

He felt his world collide and all he could do was run.

☼

He heard Jisung’s upset tone yelling and Minho’s annoyed voice arguing back from the inside of his dorm room. He felt so small.

When the voices quieted down, both of them entered the room, clearly annoyed and Changbin stared at Minho as he grabbed his phone from his bed and marched angrily out of the room, closing the door behind him a little too strong. Jisung rolled his eyes at the loud sound.

“He’s such a fucking asshole”, he grunted and laid down next to Changbin.

“Why were you fighting?”

Changbin and Jisung weren’t as physically affectionate with each other as they were with their other friends, but whenever Jisung held his hand, Changbin knew he was home. “He’s angry at you because Felix got sad after you left him without any explanation, he says you hurt his best friend”, Jisung explained, rubbing the palm of Changbin’s hand with his thumb.

“Well, tell him I am angry at him for hurting mine”, it was not a lie, but Changbin was definitely hoping to distract Jisung from his own issue with Felix.

Of course it didn’t work.

“What happened?”, Jisung pleaded after a long sigh.

Telling Jisung about his panic attack after seeing Wooyoung again made him feel like he was seventeen again. Describing the ache in his heart as Wooyoung rejecting him and leaving him without a second thought brought tears to his eyes. Talking about how scared he was when Felix tried to comfort him made him feel embarrassed.

It was all too much, it took way longer than it should have, but Jisung stayed there, holding him. Jisung stayed there, listening carefully and waiting patiently.

Jisung at that moment, was his anchor, keeping him away from the dark storm.

When Changbin calmed down and he could finally breathe, Jisung talked softly. “Take your time, Bin, but please”, he whispered comfortingly. “Please clear things up with Felix. It’s the least he deserves.”

☼

Around three weeks passed before Changbin found the strength and courage to talk to Felix, and then another two weeks before Felix stopped running away every time Changbin tried to walk and speak to him.

It was Tuesday in the middle of April when Felix stood in front of Changbin with his arms crossed and frowning. “You ran away from me”, he stated firmly, his tone upset. “You ran away from me without any explanation whatsoever”, Changbin closed his laptop and nodded.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered, voice trembling.

Felix ran a hand through his hair and sighed loudly. “I don’t want you to fucking say you’re sorry, Changbin”, he sounded tired and Changbin could see how he was on the verge of tears. “You hurt me and I have no idea of why”, his lip was trembling. “I know you are sorry, I’ve seen you sulking around, trying to talk to me, but…”

The sky wasn’t gray, it was the middle of spring, but Changbin almost felt like there were dark clouds above them, almost like the first time they met, and he realized that he couldn’t have Felix angry at him. He couldn’t have Felix feeling pain because of him.

“I don’t want you to talk to me until you explain to me why you left me like that”, and of course, because Felix was sweeter than honey, he continued. “It doesn’t have to be right now; it doesn’t have to be any time until you’re ready, but I need to understand if we want to go back to the friendship we had.”

Felix turned around, ready to leave, but Changbin couldn’t let him.

It was true, being around Felix was scary. He was going into a free fall and it was frightening. He had never been so afraid in his life.

Somehow, despite every fear, Changbin found that he was willing to take a risk if it meant he could have Felix in his life. He was worth it.

He stood up and took Felix’s hand in his. “Let’s talk.”

Felix didn’t let go of Changbin’s on the way to his dorm room. He didn’t let go when they sit down and Changbin breathes deeply. He held Changbin’s hand as if it was all okay. He waited without pressuring him to talk.

Changbin took a couple of seconds to see Felix.

The yellow was a little lighter, a little pale, but it was there and it was undeniable how beautiful Felix was with his gray hoodie.

“I met Wooyoung when I was fifteen.”

He explained how he had always lived to make his parents happy and when he had seen Wooyoung in a music class with his loud laugh and cheerful soul, he immediately decided that he was the cutest boy he had ever seen. He told the story about a teenager who only had one friend, finding another person in his life willing to accept him for who he was. Felix listened as Changbin talked about how, at some point, he had fallen in love with Wooyoung.

After telling Jisung a little after it happened, he had never talked about it with anyone, but as he retold the events, he started to feel a weight lift off his shoulders.

It was weird to listen to himself describing his pain when Wooyoung had told him, when they were seventeen, that he was leaving to join a dance academy on the other side of South Korea and with that, he was leaving Changbin behind. It was odd to hear his own voice retelling his confession a week before Wooyoung had to leave but when he finally talked about how Wooyoung had rejected him, how he told Changbin he would never like him and had feelings for someone else, someone who was also going with him to the academy, Changbin’s heart didn’t ache anymore.

He finally felt at ease and Felix was still holding his hand. He felt warm.

“The thing is, I see people as colors, I always have”, he looked at Felix. “I don’t know how to explain it but you and Wooyoung are both yellow, my favorite color.”

Felix’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink, barely visible.

Changbin smiled softly, holding Felix’s hand a little tighter. “You are different shades, yours is softer. I always knew that”, Felix tilted his head a little, like he was processing everything Changbin was saying. “I didn’t know Wooyoung was back to Seoul, he said he tried texting me, but I never found out because I changed my number a while ago, that’s why I freaked out when I saw him”, a deep breath, he counted to three. “I had never felt like that about anyone before him, I didn’t after he left, either.”

Count to three.

“But then, you came along and I saw my favorite color again, I took the chance to get to know it again”, just say it. “And I fell in love with yellow again”, Felix’s hold on his hand loosened and Changbin tried to be okay with it. “When I saw both of you at the same time I was overwhelmed. All the hurt from when Wooyoung left came back and you were there and I couldn’t look at you because I realized that I like you too much, but I didn’t want to go through the same again”, Changbin completely let go of Felix’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know it’s no excuse.”

Felix was quiet. He stayed quiet for what felt like hours, but he never left.

Changbin was scared, but he stayed there and waited.

Felix held his hand again, Changbin felt like he could cry of relief.

“How do you feel about Wooyoung now?”, Felix’s eyes were shining, it went well with the galaxy across his face.

Changbin took a moment to think. “I don’t think it hurts anymore.”

Felix nodded, smiling satisfied. Changbin didn’t know what it meant and he couldn’t help but feel nerves crawling through his spine.

“And you said you’re in love with me?”

“Yeah.”

Felix’s smile grew bigger and brighter. Changbin’s heart was beating fast. “Okay, good.”

“Good?”, Changbin’s eyes were hopeful and so were Felix’s.

“Yeah”, Felix leaned a little too close to Changbin, who had to resist the urge to count his freckles. “Because I’m in love with you, too.”

☼

The golden hour showered Felix in yellow light and made him look lovely. The sky was clear and blue and Changbin had never felt this happy. The green grass under them was fresh and made them feel like everything was possible when they were together.

Changbin put his iced coffee down and leaned close to Felix, who complied happily and kissed Changbin back softly.

He wasn’t scared anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact, wooyoung and changbin are actually friends irl as far as i know and they are the cutest babies ever.  
ALSO i thought about maybe writing a fic for minsung’s mess in this? would yall like to see if they can solve the,,, issues they have here? absjsj  
you can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunshineIino) and maybe talk to me if you want and be my friend :D  
feel free to ask me anything on my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/minsooe)


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